Some Heavy Sugar, 2004 - 2008
One night in 1929, September, a couple of burlesque dancers are hatching a plan. What unfolds is a sly scheme that is absolutely the cats meow, allowing these two queens-a-sheba to skip town with some heavy sugar.
A fast talking, sexy satire, Some Heavy Sugar has been performed at numerous cabarets and burlesque events.
Written by Maya Suess
Performed by Luisa Jojic and Maya Suess
(Read script below)
A fast talking, sexy satire, Some Heavy Sugar has been performed at numerous cabarets and burlesque events.
Written by Maya Suess
Performed by Luisa Jojic and Maya Suess
(Read script below)
In a seedy burlesque cabaret in Manhattan; Late October, 1929. The stage is set for a hot act by Veronique La Fortune and JoJo –two burlesque dancers, with a lot of love, and big plans! Over the course of the vignette each character changes her attire: Beatrice into a man’s suit, tie and hat, and Evangeline into a long gown, jacket an pearls.
Announcer 1:
Ladies and Gentlemen, Put your hands together for Veronique Le Fortune and JoJo!
From back stage enters two bawdy burlesque dancers. Each girl does a short dance and song number for the crowd: excerpts of “Big Spender” & “Why Don’t You Do Right.”
Announcer 1:
Hot Dawg! Wasn’t that a fabulous show for a swingin’ decade: well the 20’s
are roaring up to the end here folks and since we’re heading into a fresh new future, we need a snappy name!
Announcer 2:
What do ya think we should call it, huh folks? Should it be the floity thoities, how about Go Go Go Big Three-Oh. Ah, I don’t really care, as long as the skirts keep getting shorter. Now scram, these dames need their beauty sleep.
Aside:
Thoity seconds later, back stage in the dressing room.
Pull out chairs, open suitcases
Backstage:
Evangeline:
Shucks Bea, that fella hit it right on the pecker. They don’t know what’s comin’ to ‘em.
Beatrice:
Yeah. Roaring twenties swing right into Go Go Go Big Three-Oh! More like: “watch out below!” How’s that for a crash landing. I think the 30’s are gonna be a real wet-blanket.
Eve: And How sweetheart! But don’t you worry yourself about that now, you an’ me will be a couple of eggs sittin’ pretty. Speakin’ of, you were really hittin’ on all sixes tonight doll. Get hot, get hot, and what a pair of legs you got!
Bea: Evie, there’s no time for getting’ fresh.
Eve: Ah Apple sauce Bea, how am I gonna stop myself with this choice piece of calico in my arms. “the minute you walked in the joint –wwa wah.”
Bea: Seriously Evie! How can you be so gay at a time like this? You’re getting’ all goofy on me and all I can think about is the jack. What if we get caught? We’ll be livin’ on the lamb like a couple of rummys. Maybe Roger followed you; he’ll figure out ya double crossed him.
Eve: Hooey, that big ox! Listen sugar, tin pan alley’s a long way from the upper east. And so what if I’ve been moonlighting, them high hats don’t know from nothing. And besides they’d never believe him, think he’d cracked. Imagine Roger catching my show. “Roger dahling, they didn’t tell me you were here. It was grand of you to come!”
Laughter
Bea: That’d be good! But if Roger did follow you, we could always go to plan B: A tragic accident, your long lost cousin moves into town to comfort the mourning widow; we become bosom buddies, platonic pals. Then I can move into that king size bed you’re always talking about –champagne and honey pie for breakfast every morning.
Eve: Sweetheart in a couple of days you’ll be drippin’ with jewels and sampling the finest. And I hear there’s a poetess in Paris that makes a mean honey pie.
Bea: Ooo, drippin’ in pearls and poetesses! Ok! So you leave on the 9 O’clock train tomorrow for Switzerland, right?
Eve: Right! I’ll go straight to the bank and withdraw the scratch.
Bea: ooh, that’s some heavy sugar. Geez Evangeline, you sure are the cat’s meow. Really pulled one over on those Wall St. fellas didn’t ya? Waddya call it: Insider trading? They’re never gonna know what hit ‘em, will they?
Eve: Ah, they’re all crooks: JP Morgan, CitiBancorp and the rest! May as well give someone else a piece of the action for a change.
Bea: What do ya think the newsies will call it? “Dark Day Downtown,” maybe “Monday Madness!”
Eve: I promise you Bea, the history books will be callin’ it a stock market disaster and no one will know who was pullin’ the strings.
Bea: No headlines saying “Big Banker's wife goes crooked.”
Eve: In more ways than one ya mean.
Bea: “Tries to wreck the party of the century!”
Eve: America will have the hang over of the century and you an I ‘ll be puttin’ on the ritz! Maybe we should go to Shanghai and lay low for a while.
Bea: Oh yeah, I hear that’s where they’ve got them great slings!
Eve: Now you’ve gotta know your onions, you got that straight?
Bea: Ok, Jefferson’s expecting your kid brother to come pick up your suitcases; you’re takin’ him over to Oxford for college right?
Eve: Right.
Bea: Lemme see, Up the spiral stairs, past the dancing girl, big painting of guy in chair, 36 to the right, 16 to the left, 24 to the right again right?
Eve: Right.
Bea: Oh, I’m gonna be half the seas over with all them diamonds. What else did you want me to get?
Eve: Roger’s. Black. Book.
Bea: Oh yeah! Accounting. No problem Sheba, I can do all that, and more.
Eve: oh yeah?
Bea: Yeah.
The girls start getting’ fresh
Bea: Come on hoofer, let’s ankle. I’m expected. Humpty-Dumpty's about to fall off his Wall Street I don't want no egg on my new shoes.
Eve: Shucks!
Get jackets, gather suit cases.
Bea: Hey Evie, cash? Or Cheque?
Eve: Cash!
Big smooch!
Together, singing: You had plenty money nineteen twenty one, now you lots it all and then away you run, why don’t ya do right? Like other men do? Get outta here, get me some money too. . ..